Many of us are afraid to tell our parents, grandparents, spiritual parent, elder siblings, aunts or uncle or whoever our guardian maybe about our relationship because deep down, we know that if they should get close to that relationship; it may not stand the test of time. (Praise the Lord somebody! It is time to tell ourselves the truth).
If that relationship falls apart, it is not because our guardian (old folk/mature parent) didn’t love us and supported us the way we expected but rather because that relationship was confronted with the TRUTH and it fell apart. They awaken us from that fairy tale dream world of ours and present us with rationality and reality because they’ve been in the game long enough, more than we will ever be.
We are afraid that if our relationship go through the necessary fire, ashes will remain other than gold. So we hide and keep it a secret, meeting in the dark, taking one, two, three or more kisses, filling ourselves with sexual hugs and imaginations, having that dirty phone talk about ourselves and then eventually falling into sex. (Let’s not lie or judge each other because we all have sexual curiosity which leads us in search for answers, hence our exploration. Godliness speaks to us about self-control)
We keep our relationship a secret because we know that our parents will not approve of us coming back home in the middle of the night or leaving the house close to midnight if they knew that we were going to meet that boy or girl we call our lover or crush. We know that they would know that something would happen which they don’t approve off when we return from that night adventure; we may no longer remain the same. We stubbornly stick to that adventure and skip vital step to the middle of the bridge we are not matured enough to properly walk on; we think we are making progress but instead falling blindly.
Meet and touch, meet and touch, meet and touch, slowly by slowly, our boundaries begin to disappear and we leave ourselves, our hearts unguarded inside that beautiful garden that makes us feel good while forgetting that thorns do grow even in the most beautiful garden.
We begin to reveal our true selves to our so called lover just to discover that they wanted only the fairy tale part of us. They reveal their true selves to us, we see their flaw just to discover that we only wanted the fairy tale part of them. Reality strikes and we are not matured enough to walk through our weaknesses together, we are left with nothing but resentment and wishful thoughts.
The truth could be…
He wanted only sex because he has never had one before, he wants a lab rat to experiment on how things are done. She made herself available not knowing it was not love, she was just a taster. He has gotten want he wanted and it’s time to leave. He whispers sweet complicated nonsense to make her feel good and bad at the same time because he doesn’t know how to bluntly say ‘it’s over, I just wanted the sex’.
She holds on while he keeps pulling away. She gets bruised all the more. She sms’s him and he refuses to respond. She stalks his Facebook page and get pissed off with any girl he comments sweetly to. She stalks her too. She tries to bump into him here and there, over and over to plead for second chance. SECOND CHANCE when she doesn’t even know what she did the first time. She finally decides to seek comfort in food, so as to stuff up the dilated heart the thorn has destroyed but in the process lose her shape. All the more she feels insecure. She decides to flirt with other guys and flaunt her body loosely to make herself feel wanted and attractive again, extra bonus if her EX notices and gets jealous. She can’t handle the facade anymore and then concludes that all men are just the same. She thinks of taking her life because she thinks it’s worthless.
She commits suicide to finally rest in hell or she does not commit suicide but she is permanently scared. (This applies to guys as well)
He moves on to the next lover to gain more experience until he is ready for serious commitment.
She wants him to touch her here and there and make her feel good but she doesn’t yet want the sex. She loves the pleasure more and more but not yet ready for the sex. He feels its punishment arousing him and yet not giving him the real deal. He pressures and pressures, she gives in. Or he may pressure and pressure, she wants to give in but doesn’t because of religious guilt’s; unfortunately, she is raped; he felt it has dragged too long and he deserves a bite.
Her heart aches but she is afraid to tell the part she played wrong in the relationship. She wants to paint herself the good partner and the other person, the immature evil partner. She doesn’t know how to say she was raped or perhaps she says it but no one believes her because she willingly entered his house, his bed and was playing around; hoping not to get burnt.
Her hearts is no longer intact; it is filled with so much poison which spills out on people that venture to come close to her. Coming close to her feels like walking on egg shells.
WHEREAS, IF WE INVOLVE THESE OLD FOLKS, THEY WOULD HAVE ASKED
- Where do you think you are going to by this time?
- Where are you coming from by this time?
- Who is she or he?
- What do they do?
- I want to meet her or him?
- Young man or lady, who are you and what do you do?
- What’s your relationship with God like?
- I want my daughter to be back by this particular time
- Where are you taking her off to? What would you guys be doing there?
- Hope you are doing well in your academics?
- What are your future plans with my child? Etc.
They would read in-between that lover and give us their blunt opinion of him or her. They would tell us that we were not ready to get into that relationship and that we needed to set our priority straight. They would tell us this because they don’t want us to get so distracted that we mess up our future on a relationship that won’t last. Fall pregnant when we are not ready to be fathers and mothers. Get infect and die young.
OUR OLD FOLKS
Are a-times blank or shy bringing up relationship topic because they don’t want to make us feel uncomfortable (They care so much about how we feel around them). On the other hand, we feel its weird telling our old folks about our relationship and what goes on in it; all in the claims that “it is not an African thing”
Which parent would love stuff to be hidden from them when it pertains to their child’s well being?
WE NEED TO START BRIDGING THE COMMUNICATION GAP
We are tired of young hearts getting ruined. We need advice, good advice and we need to learn to listen.