Many of us are afraid to tell our parents, grandparents, spiritual parent, elder siblings, aunts or uncle or whoever our guardian maybe about our relationship because deep down, we know that if they should get close to that relationship; it may not stand the test of time. (Praise the Lord somebody! It is time to tell ourselves the truth).

If that relationship falls apart, it is not because our guardian (old folk/mature parent) didn’t love us and supported us the way we expected but rather because that relationship was confronted with the TRUTH and it fell apartheart 2. They awaken us from that fairy tale dream world of ours and present us with rationality and reality because they’ve been in the game long enough, more than we will ever be.

We are afraid that if our relationship go through the necessary fire, ashes will remain other than gold. So we hide and keep it a secret, meeting in the dark, taking one, two, three or more kisses, filling ourselves with sexual hugs and imaginations, having that dirty phone talk about ourselves and then eventually falling into sex. (Let’s not lie or judge each other because we all have sexual curiosity which leads us in search for answers, hence our exploration. Godliness speaks to us about self-control)

We keep our relationship a secret because we know that our parents will not approve of us coming back home in the middle of the night or leaving the house close to midnight if they knew that we were going to meet that boy or girl we call our lover or crush. We know that they would know that something would happen which they don’t approve off when we return from that night adventure; we may no longer remain the same. We stubbornly stick to that adventure and skip vital step to the middle of the bridge we are not matured enough to properly walk on; we think we are making progress but instead falling blindly.

Meet and touch, meet and touch, meet and touch, slowly by slowly, our boundaries begin to disappear and we leave ourselves, our hearts unguarded inside that beautiful garden that makes us feel good while forgetting that thorns do grow even in the most beautiful garden.

We begin to reveal our true selves to our so called lover just to discover that they wanted only the fairy tale part of us. They reveal their true selves to us, we see their flaw just to discover that we only wanted the fairy tale part of them. Reality strikes and we are not matured enough to walk through our weaknesses together, we are left with nothing but resentment and wishful thoughts.

The truth could be…

He wanted only sex because he has never had one before, he wants a lab rat to experiment on how things are done. She made herself available not knowing it was not love, she was just a taster. He has gotten want he wanted and it’s time to leave. He whispers sweet complicated nonsense to make her feel good and bad at the same time because he doesn’t know how to bluntly say ‘it’s over, I just wanted the sex’.

She holds on while he keeps pulling away. She gets bruised all the more. She sms’s him and he refuses to respond. She stalks his Facebook page and get pissed off with any girl he comments sweetly to. She stalks her too. She tries to bump into him here and there, over and over to plead for second chance. SECOND CHANCE when she doesn’t even know what she did the first time. She finally decides to seek comfort in food, so as to stuff up the dilated heart the thorn has destroyed but in the process lose her shape. All the more she feels insecure. She decides to flirt with other guys and flaunt her body loosely to make herself feel wanted and attractive again, extra bonus if her EX notices and gets jealous. She can’t handle the facade anymore and then concludes that all men are just the same. She thinks of taking her life because she thinks it’s worthless.

She commits suicide to finally rest in hell or she does not commit suicide but she is permanently scared. (This applies to guys as well)

He moves on to the next lover to gain more experience until he is ready for serious commitment.


She wants him to touch her here and there and make her feel good but she doesn’t yet want the sex. She loves the pleasure more and more but not yet ready for the sex. He feels its punishment arousing him and yet not giving him the real deal. He pressures and pressures, she gives in. Or he may pressure and pressure, she wants to give in but doesn’t because of religious guilt’s; unfortunately, she is raped; he felt it has dragged too long and he deserves a bite.

Her heart aches but she is afraid to tell the part she played wrong in the relationship. She wants to paint herself the good partner and the other person, the immature evil partner.  She doesn’t know how to say she was raped or perhaps she says it but no one believes her because she willingly entered his house, his bed and was playing around; hoping not to get burnt.

Her hearts is no longer intact; it is filled with so much poison which spills out on people that venture to come close to her. Coming close to her feels like walking on egg shells.


  1. Where do you think you are going to by this time?
  2. Where are you coming from by this time?
  3. Who is she or he?
  4. What do they do?
  5. I want to meet her or him?
  6. Young man or lady, who are you and what do you do?
  7. What’s your relationship with God like?
  8. I want my daughter to be back by this particular time
  9. Where are you taking her off to? What would you guys be doing there?
  10. Hope you are doing well in your academics?
  11. What are your future plans with my child? Etc.

They would read in-between that lover and give us their blunt opinion of him or her. They would tell us that we were not ready to get into that relationship and that we needed to set our priority straight. They would tell us this because they don’t want us to get so distracted that we mess up our future on a relationship that won’t last. Fall pregnant when we are not ready to be fathers and mothers. Get infect and die young.


Are a-times blank or shy bringing up relationship topic because they don’t want to make us feel uncomfortable (They care so much about how we feel around them). On the other hand, we feel its weird telling our old folks about our relationship and what goes on in it; all in the claims that “it is not an African thing”

Excuses me!

Which parent would love stuff to be hidden from them when it pertains to their child’s well being?


We are tired of young hearts getting ruined. We need advice, good advice and we need to learn to listen.

11 Comments Add yours

  1. The sensual myth really explored . True , the attractions, inquisitiveness of love … emotional or beyond , do supersede other factors , seniors voice when one is in his peak of such journey to realize later what the real pain the journey brings with it . In any case , our
    listening to conscience , a bit of looking out to God , in those slippery moments can make a better handling . A deep contemporary insight, Grace . Good read .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Misggrace says:

      Thanks so much Kamakyha 😄… it is high time we start listening to reason. To have self control even in the most pleasurable moments that excites us… and godliness teaches us that self control and creates boundaries that keeps us safe but we still rebel.. May God help us help ourselves (young lovers)

      I personally don’t want to get burnt and am asking God to keep me safe.. to help me guard my heart and body. Believe me, the love world is so huge and a times confusing😕😟😳

      Thanks so much for your comment and God bless you 😊


  2. Again! Again, you captured my attention and wrote on such a difficult, often misunderstood topic beautifully.
    My parents did not approve of my now husband and we did not have their blessing to marry. We’ve been married 23 years now– and only about 8 years ago did they apologize and say how wrong they were! Lots of hurt there, lots of forgiveness too, but it affected how my husband and I handle our dating daughters.
    From the time they were little we’ve tried to show them their value and lead them to understand their identity in Christ, so they don’t look for in a man. We put boundaries on them, which they DO NOT like! They say we’re over protective—yada, yada, yada. We ask the hard questions, we have the uncomfortable talks. We’ve told them that we don’t have to love their boyfriend, but if we see red flags, we will step in! We actually had to step in last year and it nearly destroyed our family. My daughter is finally healthy and happy and thanks us all the time. She was too close to see what was so blaring to us! Sigh! I clearly could go on and on about this topic. It is one very near and dear to my heart.
    One last thought…as Christians, we do fail in saving ourselves for marriage all the time. Guilt does plague us. Shame threatens to destroy us, rob us of joy and intimacy with Christ. The thing is, God forgives. And if we really cling to Him, we often find that “what Satan intended for evil, God intended for good” and God can be glorified in the end! I really, really cling to that promise!
    Treasuring you Misggrace!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Misggrace says:

      So True…

      we are often so blinded that we fail to see reason or even listen to one.

      I wanted to use a cartoon character in tom and jerry cartoon to emphasize how dum we could act atimes in relationships… but I can’t because am not so good with humor 😄

      However, I pray that, in our sometime foolishness, that God brings a parent like you and other old folk that care about us enough to jump into that busy road and save us from colliding with the big truck called (bad relationships)

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Misggrace says:

      Thanks so much 😍 for your contributions… I always look forward to them when I post an article. 😄

      I personally vouch for purity… I believe so much in abstinence. I vowed not to give myself to any man until after marriage. But that.does not exclude me from other area of purity. Like keeping my thoughts pure. Perhaps i’ve been that girl who kisses and want to be touch just a little so far I don’t cross the boundary of premarital sex hahaha; which is wrong because it does not help me keep my mind pure. But I acknowledge my wrongs to God and pray that He gives me the grace to do things His way. I have also loosen up to godly counsel from my mom and elder sister…. and I equally learn so much from your blog posts… it guides me a lot and opens my eye and minds to things once obscure… Thanks Karyn 🙂 God bless you

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I shared your post with my daughter this week. You are I are speaking the same language, but I think your words hold a little more weight than mine with my girl (teenagers!!!). Like they say, “It takes a village to raise a child”. Happy to have you in my village! : )

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Misggrace says:

          Am blessed to be in your village.. 😄… Thanks so much for all your encouragement… I appreciate them big time

          Liked by 1 person

  3. sarsng yomi p says:

    I totally agree with you. But the thing all parents are not alike. Some are way strict and there some things that you can’t discuss with them. They will think you are already involved. And sometimes its even for anything else (like lust. ) but just because you really like that person and the fact that someone actually cared about you . How will you make your parents understand that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Misggrace says:

      True Yomi… Not all parent make it easy for us to talk to them about such issue… but we still need guidance… Old folk may refer to any other mature person you can talk to other than your Parent. Maybe a youth leader or A friend that acts as a big sister, who is matured and will definitely look out for you. So that when things get out of hand, they draw you back to the line or act as an intermediary between you and your parent…

      As young people, we should not keep silent
      .. God has placed people in our path that would help us deal with such issue. I don’t know if I did justice with my response… and I hope you get what I mean..

      Much love dear… ❤


  4. You are so right about keeping the communication open among generations. But how do you really get this across to young, rebellious, godless egos? I was once there and would cry after sex not knowing why but can clearly see now that it was my soul crying and God trying to reach me. I will never forget the love of my brothers (both younger than me) and my mother who held an intervention and confronted me about my boyfriend at the time, who was such a jerk but I couldn’t see it because I was possessed of lust. My family was able to love me at a time I couldn’t love myself.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Misggrace says:

      To be honest, I have no answer… I wrote this with sincerity, believing that, when we acknowledge our wrong truthfully, we take the first step to redeeming ourselves.

      We have too much heart breaks and suicide all because we chose not to listen to reason. All because we are blinded by lust.

      I wrote, praying that God gives reason to every eyes that would read this post. The heart to take correction and amend our lustful ways that has brought so much pain.

      If this post yields positive fruit in the heart of one young person, that is a step forward.

      I should probably make a video of me saying this post in a dramatic way 😀 🙂 maybe it did reach out to wider audience.

      I would appreciate your advice to us young people because you are an over comer. I (we) will learn a lot from you.

      Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s