INSECURE WIVES AND HUSBANDS AT CHURCH
I am going to be as blunt as possible with this topic based on my personal experience and testimonies of some singles and married friends. I would love you to share your contributions and thoughts on this topic in the comment box below. The next article under singles and married will be focusing on “Lusting after a married men or women”.
Insecurity as I have observed is a silent killer of many godly relationships and marriages, more so, it builds a huge wall between married and single members in churches click. Often times, married couples portray a front that suggests that singleness is a disease and therefore needs to be avoided which is totally wrong. Marriage is a blessing, being not-yet-married or single is equally a blessing and therefore both phases should be respected.
It has become common knowledge that majorly, women play the guilty party to insecurity and if not controlled, can build a lot of tension among-st people, friends, family members etc. There is nothing wrong for a wife to watch out for her husband but it is equally right if she does it with discretion, wisdom and in a godly manner.
I bumped into an old acquaintance few months ago and while conversing, I remember her talking about issues that led her away from the church she was previously attending. She made mention of how the minister’s wife would behave ill-fully towards her as though she was having an affair with the husband or as though she was seducing the minister. She said she got so uncomfortable attending church because while the minister was preaching, she was unable to look up to him due to what the wife might think and how else she would negatively behave after service. Listening to this lady, I felt sad. I could not doubt her since I’ve heard other countless testimonies of people who left their churches because of insecurities of married wives at their churches.
So I was curious to understand why are married couples insecure of singles women or men in church. What do they see in the single party that provokes insecurity? below are some of the points that were mentioned.
- When the young lady or guy is handsome or attractive. There is an inward fear that the husband or the wife may lust after them
- When the single party is responsible either financially, educationally, mentally, socially e.t.c. If he or she earns a reasonable amount of income, has a good career, portrays good conducts and has a gift or talent he or she shares in church and is very good at it. There is that fear that the spouse may consider that single party more interesting or attractive to be with
- When the single party has a great wardrobe sense and gives a good presentation of him or herself.
- When the single party was once in a relationship with one of the spouse. There is that fear that their partner may fall into the temptation of adultery…
These fears or insecurities may or may not be justified but what matters is how it is being handled such that it does not create so much havoc in the lives of the individuals affected click. Godly counsel must be sought after if such frictions arise else both parties may leave the church really crushed Titus 2:3-5.
Some married women in church do not mind if their husbands don’t attend church. They fear young pretty ladies in the church will steal their husbands away from them. This is really pathetic. You don’t want the man you love to receive the gospel of Christ all because of your own unjustified fears? No Way!!
There is equally this notion that married people should not be friends with single people. I think this is immature and myopic. Married people can be friends with single people however, there should be boundaries. You as a married person must have godly boundaries likewise single friends must have godly boundaries. When both parties understand their boundaries, peace will be maintained. I and my siblings have a lot of married friends that come over to our place with their partners and play games or chat with us. These visitations are once in a while and there is a level of communication among-st us. God does not foster segregation and separation in His kingdom, so lets just stop that over righteous attitudes we pull out of our pocket when we want to hide our faults.
I have seen some married women that never focus in church because they rather stand on guard, looking at their husbands gaze to make sure it not falling on a female member of the church. I have seen some young married women that gang up against a young lady in church and said all sort of ill things concerning this lady, such that her image was tainted.
It is not the fault of single people that they are pretty, well mannered, gifted, responsible, spiritually inclined, virtuous etc. Married people were once single and am sure that before they go married, they portrayed their good characteristics which attracted their partner. So please stop hating on single folk. Not all single folks want to steal your husbands or wives. There are amazing single folk that can be great sisters and brothers in Christ to you. If you push them away because of false imaginations and paranoia, you never know who God can use to bless you and your family. Be wise
A mother once advice me on how to be a godly wife when I eventually get married. She said, take care of your husband, care for your children, pray for your family, never stop interceding for them; continue to work on yourself because there is no laziness in marriage. Train your mind to dwell on godly things and give no room to the deceit of the enemy. Never be afraid to seek godly counsel because God understands the value of an old parent.
Thanks for reading,
Stay blessed ❤ ❤ ❤